ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
