I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
