turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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