people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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