I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think people are normalizing furries
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
