What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
