Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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