you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
