she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
