I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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