you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
