My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
