I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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