I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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