Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
