I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
