i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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