You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
