Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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