my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize