ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I met the friendliest cop last night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
