HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
