Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize