just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
