It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We have started to decorate penises.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
