think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
