you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
