you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
