Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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