this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
