OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
