We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
