No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
