I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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