is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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