We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
