we have pet lesbian snakes
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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