My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
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