is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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