there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize