he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
