Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
