I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
