i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
