In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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