forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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