Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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