can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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