finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
