So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
