wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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