im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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