my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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