I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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