Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
