I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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