Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
