apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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