Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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