you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
