Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
