I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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