Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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