tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
