Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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