I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize