i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
