Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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