but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
