Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So vagazzling was a success
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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