I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
