Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
