so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
