I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
