She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
