Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
