she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
