We won't sleep together?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
