it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
time to smoke my breakfast
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize