it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
