Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Me too!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
