Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
