Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize