also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
