I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
