I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
