Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
