Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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