her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
