why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
