the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize