He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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