Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
