around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
