biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
