i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
