i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
