well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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