You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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