I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
