you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
