While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
