im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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